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a Path to recovery
« One Ear » ♽
(Pieces of the puzzle)
Collapse
Burn Out is not a word to be used lightly.
The idea here is not to dive in the rabbit hole neither to ignore it.
One needs to Let go, and toHold On to that idea.
Reminder: figure out where to find help. Be prepared to ask for and accept help.
I had gone through several periods of extreme exhaustion over 5 years, until a burnout hit. I had tried to call for help. I had decided this was not right, and that I would not rely only on myself. No answer. No psychological or professional tools available to secure the perimeter. I got back on my feet alone one more time, and that is when it HIT. Much harder.
Then again, no response to the distress signal for a few months. If I was able to barely make it through, I owe it to a very small circle of friends. A restricted line of defense, until further actions could be taken.
PS: sharing this might be useful for some people to relate. To each his own story. The idea remains to deal with resilience and stand for something larger than oneself!
What does « One Ear » stand for?
The sense of hearing is of major importance for a musician, luthier, lover of foreign languages… The ear is of course a receptor, but it is a crucial element in the process of expression and emission!
At the start of the downfall, a strong uninterrupted low frequency tinnitus appeared in my left ear. I can’t even understand how I managed to remain operational for a while. More importantly the pain rose to a point where listening to music was forbidden for several months. I figured I wouldn’t be able to play an instrument anymore. That made me feel miserable on top of the pain.
This website, « One Ear » on « Two Legs », is also the story of a recovery process (mainly but not only) through running.
The Beacon (2024 Half-Marathon)
Way below zero was where I was located, by the end of 2023, when my friend « Sidd » tells me he is training for the Edimburgh Half-Marathon. Within half a second I knew deep inside, I was going to run it too – I didn’t tell him right away: I knew he wouldn’t believe me. When I bought my entry, I was barely able to (slowly) run 30 minutes, and I’d be seriously exhausted. I didn’t have the money or enough brains available to organize for the event. I had 6 months.
The date in the calendar was the beacon around which everything revolved. All the major issues at stake had to be dealt with before I took off.
Slowly but surely, I gradually added cross-training to the running plan: Trail running with the local club , yoga for stretching, kickboxing for cardio (and learning how to find extra strength when you feel depleted), plus swimming, all twice a week… it payed off.
This race was a first stepping stone. In the video you can spot me playing the banjo. I could barely hear myself, my ear was still rumbling and buzzing, but I joined the jam anyway (plus I was barely a beginner!). At this stage, I was just starting to feel that I could heal. I’d have lapses of relief and my ear would let me play sometimes. Only later, step, after step, after step, the major stresses in the ear gradually faded. I made sure to wear different kinds of protections as often as possible. Today, I can finally start to forget how often I had to raise my hand to my ear, and step away. I can forget that even in silence was pain. Some of the losses are technically hard wired, but I am determined to recover every single crumb available!
⚕ Last time I went to see an ENT specialist, I explained my situation and he said: « Oh there’s nothing I can do at this point. Though I wish I could take running agin but my knee hurts. » We talked about marathons, I was still considering the commitment of training. It all made sense, that was the message I came here for! I’m going to run this marathon!
